The Barryfest Chronicles

A couple of weeks ago, I saw Into The Wild for the first time.  It was a pretty fascinating movie, and my fascination with the incredible cinematography and flawless acting was no doubt heightened by the fact that I hit the trees pretty hard before I popped in the DVD.  If the movie hadn’t been based on a true story, I would have called bullshit on the whole premise, and the extreme details of Chris McCandless’ ill-fated journey would have came off as completely overwrought sentimental cheese if the action in the movie (or at least a non-dramatized approximation of it) didn’t actually happen at some point in time.

Because not only were his travels unconventional to start with, but by the end of the movie I was convinced that they were also completely emblematic of a particular moment in history.  While the early 1990s are nearly two decades old,  Into The Wild isn’t exactly a period piece.  The setting is very familiar (it has cars, credit cards, fast food restaurants, television, etc) and yet the differences that exist are striking.

Alexander Supertramp was very likely riding the crest of the final, awesome wave of casual hitch hiking in the United States of America.  I’ve done my fair share of driving around this great country, and I have never – not once, not a single time in my entire life – seen someone on the side of the road trying to thumb a ride.  I am not even going to waste time to try to figure out how or why the practice is all but eradicated, because the mere fact that is does not seem to exist anymore proves my point.  What was unusual but plausible just a few years ago seems like science fiction in this day and age.  Especially when you are really, really high.

And it goes beyond Into The Wild.  I got to thinking and realized that the majority of the action in the movie takes place between 1990 and 1992, with also just so happened to be the  heyday of a novel concept know as MTV’s Rock ‘N Jock.  For those of you who do not remember Rock ‘N Jock, let me give you the rundown:  Professional athletes would team up with celebrities to play in pickup softball, baseball, basketball and football games.

These games were loosely officiated and featured people making millions of dollars a year at their day jobs muscling up to try to hit a 350 foot home run off a tee or launch a ball four stories into the air to score a 100 point basket.  If there ever was a high water mark of unnecessary risk, Rock ‘N Jock was surely it.

This type of shit would go over like a lead balloon nowadays.  The caliber of talent that would ostensibly be standing shoulder to shoulder with Dean Cain and Roger McDowell don’t even participate in the Home Run Derby or Slam Dunk contests of their actual professional leagues anymore for risk of injury or other negative effects the exhibitions may have on their form or function.  With the exception of Dhani Jones and his inexplicable quest to tackle the globe, the riskiest thing a modern day professional athlete does in the off-season is have sex with Madonna.

Another staple of the 1990s:  Seinfeld.  Now, Seinfeld isn’t exactly dated in the way that, say, a show like Deadwood is, but there are anachronisms in almost every episode that serve as constant reminders that the show originally aired in a different era.  The main characters aren’t rocking afros in apartments decked out with shag carpet, but there are no cell phones, people bring four carry-on bags to the airport and Jerry needs a blank VHS tape to record the evening’s Mets game.

Even later episodes like “The Nap” which aired in 1997,  Jerry called in a bomb threat to Yankee Stadium so George could escape from under his desk, where he had recently discovered he could catch a snooze during his work day.  It is a funny premise, but is there any doubt that a scene like that, if it happened on How I Met Your Mother, My Boys or any other show set in the present, would come off as completely improbable?  That type of shit (along with countless other instances of hijinx featured on the show) is just no longer a joke.

But because of the huge amount of  things I find completely bizarre about days not so far removed from the ones we are living in, I wonder if this is just the natural order of things when it comes to hindsight.  I mean, I am just reaching the age in which I can summon lucid memories of events in my life that took place over a decade ago, so maybe I am still getting the hang of this whole “retrospective” thing.

I can imagine that it won’t be long before we are all reminiscing about the strange days when Lil’ Wayne had a blog on ESPN.com and would show up on 1st and 10 and have debates with that contrarian prick Skip Bayless.  And history is already turning on the XFL, P. Diddy’s Making The Band and Sarah Palin, so I guess that sooner or later everything looks pretty weird when you see it in your rear view mirror.  I just didn’t realize it happens so quickly.

Dear Sarah,

It wasn’t too long ago I declared war on you and the types of people that subscribe to your irritating brand of anti-intellectual populism.  See, after your reprehensible campaign antics spiked the enthusiasm already cursing through my veins with a toxic dose of vitriol, I went from simply supporting Barack Obama and his message of change to promising not to let any misinformed comment made by your uneducated, bigoted, racist followers go unchecked, regardless of the context or situation.  I was angry, and I was letting everyone know it.

But not only was I locking political horns with every Republican I could find, I also started flying off the handle in unrelated situations.  I was yelling at my neighbors when they asked me to turn down the Chromeo, and shattering empty High Life bottles on the sidewalk outside of Pat Fannie’s because they don’t allow indoor heaters.  You got me riled up, Sarah.  And my aggression was unfortunately extending beyond mere political discourse.

This type of militant liberalism and general douchebaggery was exhausting, for sure.  But ever since that Tuesday night when staffers banned you from the podium as John McCain was graciously conceding defeat in the presidential election, my blood has calmed. Read the rest of this entry »

I always been a pretty big fan of Halloween.  As a kid, I vaguely remember that the unpredictable Chicago weather always seemed to cooperate and that my neighborhood was consistently pretty solid when it came to the trick-or-treat candy that was being doled out.  And then in college, my fraternity’s big party of the year was called “Phright Night,” which was a huge costume bash we held at this incredible barn in the far west suburbs.  It took about a dozen buses to ship everyone out there, and at some point it became tradition to stock each bus with about 15 boxes of Franzia to keep people hydrated during the hour long commute.

So I was pumping pretty hard last night when I hit my first Halloween party of the year.  I dusted off the sweet Hunter S. Thompson/Raoul Duke ensemble I have been assembling for the last few years and was wowed by all the equally impressive costumes donned by the other party-goers.  All your classics were there:  the throwback basketball team, a few mummies, some guy in a priest outfit making NAMBLA jokes; and, of course, a litany of girls dressed as a sexy version of every public and private sector career under the sun.  It was pretty great. Read the rest of this entry »

The other day, I figured out that supporting facts and supporting the McCain/Palin campaign are two mutually exclusive positions.  I am not even saying that you have to be one of those people who knows a lot of facts or is even particularly good at remembering facts.  But if you have even the smallest appreciation for the beauty and simplicity of a well-stated and verifiable fact, this campaign season has got to be wearing on you.

This total disregard for truth is only part of the GOP’s anti-intellectual, populist movement that has effectively turned me into a radical intellectual militant.  I feel like I am forced to assume that if anyone out there is still planning to cast a vote for John McCain, it is likely a result of his or her below-average intellect.  I have to figure that he or she is no different than the horrifically misinformed dolts that file into the crowd for a Sarah Palin speech and proceed to slur African-American members of the media covering the event and share their desire to assassinate the man on the other side of the ticket. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Elizabeth,

I know there are a lot of reasons people choose their particular political affiliation.  Each party and candidate has to take a stance on a variety of issues, and I realize that different issues resonate differently with different people.  Some people vote based on their economic situation, others look to their views about foreign war, and some actually rely solely on their religious views.

Sure, it would make far more sense for voters to weigh the relative importance of all a candidate’s positions in regard to the current challenges facing our nation and make an informed decision based on all factors, but I get what an unrealistic prospect this is.  And I’m really okay with that, as long as people are truthful about their intentions.

If you are most concerned with protecting your wealth, just admit that you don’t want to cast a vote that will take money out of your pocket.  If you are a highly religious, just admit that you would never support a candidate who supports a woman’s right to choose. If you are a bigot, just admit that you favor discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Read the rest of this entry »