The Barryfest Chronicles

“That was the sweetest, but also the saltiest, victory ever.” -Kenny

Another season of RW/RR Challenge is in the record books, and I don’t know about you, but I have this bizarre urge to quit smoking and join the Army.  And although I find the “Sunny Side of truth” and “Army Strong” ads equally asinine, I have to admit that the media buyers vying for MTV airtime have got the viewing demographic at least half right.  But how effective can even a well placed anti-smoking campaign really be when, right after the corny PSAs air, they cut back to a bunch of hip young derelicts looking cool as they grill heaters while getting shitfaced on a beach?

And I have to think that the mere presence of Dan on this challenge has the bean counters in the US Army marketing department wincing each time the camera shifts to him during an episode.  All the money they are spending to underwrite the production of the show and buy ad time during the commercial breaks can’t change the fact that the one member of the cast who is a actual veteran of the Armed Forces has shown himself to be nothing more than an alcoholic with a notable track record of violent mood swings and piss-poor performance when he gets the chance to win a key.  I sincerely appreciate his valiant service in the defense of our country, but I haven’t quite figured out what “core Army characteristic” is exemplified by getting into an absurd argument and then passing out in a drunken stupor every night for a solid month. Read the rest of this entry »

“Let the girls braid the hair, let the boys tie the knots.” – Paula

I had a really hard time picking which quote I wanted to feature as the header to this particular post, as this was without a doubt the most entertaining episode to date.  Not only was the entire hour peppered with some of the greatest dialog I have ever heard on an MTV program, but starting around the 0:23 mark, there was about four or five minutes of solid gold.

This huge concentration of hilarious material took place as the remaining cast members started putting some heavy work into the building of the two boats.  And, as could be expected, Robin’s paranoia, Johnny’s megalomania, Kenny’s ironic detachment, Dunbar’s inferiority complex, Ev’s slowburning rage, Derrick’s valiant struggle with verb tenses and the plural form, Colie’s desperation, and Paula’s opportunism came to a head in one of the most satisfying programming segments MTV has broadcast since Krist Novoselic wielded a squeeze box during Nirvana’s Unplugged rendition of “Jesus Don’t Want Me For A Sunbeam.” Read the rest of this entry »

“I gotta play my game.  I gotta play smart.  I gotta play ‘what’s gonna get me on that boat with a couple of dudes… who know how to tie some rope together… with a couple bamboos?’”  -Derrick

I may have said earlier that most of the people on these shows seemed locked in time, but – as with any rule – there are going to be some exceptions.  The most obvious (and heartwarming) exception to this rule I have found is Key West’s Paula.

Does anyone else remember how she spent her time in the Keys?  In case you forgot, here is a recap:  When she wasn’t refusing to eat and having panic attacks after a long night of drinking, she was picking all the scabs off her arms and legs.  She was bulimic, anorexic, addicted to diet pills… exhibiting all the classic symptoms of being absolutely batshit crazy.

And sure, it was easy at first to maybe think that her psychosis could have been the product of creative and malicious editing on the part of the producers.  But then shortly after her season of The Real World aired, she was arrested for domestic violence in the actual world. Read the rest of this entry »

“You’re going to reap what you sow.” – Johnny

I’ve got to hand it to Evelyn.  She really flipped the script on Johnny with her win in the challenge and decision to steal his key.  And I am going to give her enough credit to believe that no other decision even crossed her mind, yet she was clever enough to get all the current keyholders to show their hands and subsequently spread some sensitive info as far as she could.  I’m really impressed.

But as impressed as I am with her dirty dealings, this is one of many examples of how the strategy employed by this particular group has become so fucking complex that almost the entire hour-long program has to closely follow every single clandestine, late night, hush-voiced interaction in it’s entirety just to keep everyone up to speed.  Shit, there was even a minute or two during the deliberation where I lost the plot, and I watch each episode at least twice while taking detailed notes so I have something to write about here.  I’m not sure if this is a good thing.

I know it wasn’t too long ago that I was saying just the opposite, that I would prefer more substance in episodes that were otherwise filled with nothing more that people fucking (with) each other when they were shitfaced, but I think the pendulum has swung a bit too far in this case. Read the rest of this entry »

“That’s the best docking station on the market right now, for sure” – TJ Lavin

Looking back, I don’t think I have ever been part any elite groups of rabid followers of groundbreaking shows during their original broadcast run.  I just got into The Wire this summer, have never seen a full episode of Lost or Heroes or Weeds, and got on The Sopranos bandwagon late and fell off in short order.

So last summer, when HBO started pumping their new drama John From Cincinnati, I cleared my schedule for the premier and – even though it left me wholly confused and underwhelmed – was determined to struggle through the boring exposition of the contrived and nonsensical story so a few years down the line when the show was sweeping the Emmys (or being triumphantly snubbed), I could say I was there from the start.

I wouldn’t exactly call this plan successful, as John From Cincinnati quickly went from bad to worse and was canceled immediately after the last episode of the first season aired.  But I survived a brutal test of patience and mettle, and I think I am a better man for it.  For those were the qualities that I was calling on during the first two and half episodes if The Island, and they did not fail me. Read the rest of this entry »

“It’s gonna take that heart to sail that boat” – Robin

I have been following The Real World franchise since it’s grainy, poorly lit inception over 16 years ago.  And while I have been pretty adamant about the recent decline of civilization in the last few Real World houses, I realized last night that I have been overlooking a very important fact that has undoubtedly bended my perception over the years.  I’ve grown up.

See, I still consider The Real World: Seattle the undisputed high water mark of MTV programming.  My memories of the show are filled with authentic interactions between dynamic people in real-life circumstances.  There is no doubt that these memories may be entirely accurate.  An equally likely scenario, though, is that at the time the series aired I was a 14 year dork who didn’t even know what “authentic interactions,” “dynamic people,” and “real-life circumstances” actually were. Read the rest of this entry »

“You know what?  You didn’t help, so you can have a chicken bone.” -Johnny

It finally happened.  As I mentioned before, the relevancy and realism of the whole Real World franchise has been eroding exponentially since the producers finalized the blueprint of the last full season in Hollywood.  But last night, the levee may have broken once and for all.

I always expect the cast members to reemerge more vapid and self-centered each time I see them.  No surprise there.  But in this week’s episode, a few of the inhabitants of The Island exploded into characters that were suddenly hyper-aware and alarmingly self-referential.  Two particular exchanges stuck out and seemed like they would have been right at home in a Charlie Kaufman/Spike Jonze meta-surrealist mindfuck:

• Dave claimed that he has watched all the previous Real World/Road Rules Challenges on television so he has a good idea of how the game should be played.
• Kenny is given a hard time by the rest of the cast because he “wasn’t even on a real show” before making his debut on Fresh Meat Read the rest of this entry »

“In the olden times, they used to take the most beautiful man in the village and make him king.”  -Kenny

There were plenty of things that made the last season of The Real World interesting.  Not least of which was the fact that MTV was finally admitting (or at least acknowledging) the recent devolution of what used to be their most relevant brand.  Starting around the time they got the cameras rolling in Key West, almost every cast member of every season since has entered the Real World house with only one goal: cultivate a memorable persona to push back the “Sell By” date on whatever new found celebrity they emerge with after the series airs.  Whether they were forthcoming about this or not, they all wanted to be famous.

So when I found out the premise of The Real World: Hollywood – all the roommates are fully disclosing their aspirations to be actors/producers/models/music artists/TV personalities right off the bat and their “job” for the season involves little more than taking improv lessons from the woman who set Andy Dick loose on the world and making show biz connections – I was not at all surprised that MTV was voluntarily yanking whatever wool remained from over the eyes of the small population that still watched the network’s shows in earnest.  Although I ended up enjoying the season, I was a bit disappointed and missed the artistry required of the producers and host city to devise hokey jobs that serve no public good and only offer a thin semblance of responsibility. Read the rest of this entry »