The Barryfest Chronicles

“You know what?  You didn’t help, so you can have a chicken bone.” -Johnny

It finally happened.  As I mentioned before, the relevancy and realism of the whole Real World franchise has been eroding exponentially since the producers finalized the blueprint of the last full season in Hollywood.  But last night, the levee may have broken once and for all.

I always expect the cast members to reemerge more vapid and self-centered each time I see them.  No surprise there.  But in this week’s episode, a few of the inhabitants of The Island exploded into characters that were suddenly hyper-aware and alarmingly self-referential.  Two particular exchanges stuck out and seemed like they would have been right at home in a Charlie Kaufman/Spike Jonze meta-surrealist mindfuck:

• Dave claimed that he has watched all the previous Real World/Road Rules Challenges on television so he has a good idea of how the game should be played.
• Kenny is given a hard time by the rest of the cast because he “wasn’t even on a real show” before making his debut on Fresh Meat

This is like David Spade turning to Chris Farley in the middle of Black Sheep and saying “Well, you really came through in Tommy Boy, so I trust that this adventure will also end successfully.”  Or Christian Bale stopping dead in his tracks during a climatic scene in The Dark Knight and mentioning that Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character looks totally different than she did in “the first one.”

I feel as though the entire formula and infrastructure that has made Real World/Road Rules events so entertaining after all these years is breaking down before my eyes.  I mean, someone mentioned they have been on the island for ten days already.  TEN FUCKING DAYS!!!!!  If they have ten days of footage in the can, why did it take 34 minutes for something noteworthy to actually happen in this episode?  (Note: that count is really only accurate if you are willing to call Dave getting drunk and deciding to leave in some inexplicable deus ex machina type bullshit “something noteworthy,” which I can barely bring myself to do.)

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that a weak cast and complete lack of premise has produced nothing more than a few hundred hours of Johnny harassing KellyAnne, Kenny hooking up with Johanna and Dan getting shitfaced.

Not to mention the producers really can’t catch a break.  They drop a cell phone with 10 minutes worth of juice on the island undoubtedly with the intention that bickering over who gets to call their significant other will ensue and provide some thematic drama, but guess what actually happens?  Everyone patiently and orderly waits their turn and Abram sees an opening and comes up with an excuse to ask to be sent home.

This is the guy who provided the only memorable moment of the episode when he climbed into a wasp nest while foraging for food because it never crossed his mind that the piece of ripe fruit that mysteriously fell from the sky did not come form the indigenous trees but was likely tossed into frame by the production crew.  And, in another completely inexplicable moment, he makes things worse by leaving his key to Dunbar, ensuring more camera time for that manic-depressive dolt. Talk about your all time backfires.

I’m quickly fading here.  The hour-long format, which I celebrated when it was introduced for The Gauntlet III, is now the bane of my existence.  This thing better start moving in the right direction or else.  I may have to keep watching, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy this shit.